Applibility

Buying a ticket at the airport is of course a possibility!
It’s only the ”buying over the counter” that is not an option. Just as my Serentripity by train, having the application of the chosen airline company, a flight ticket can be booked (by latest one hour before take off*) even from the airport.

This time, I didn’t go that far before booking as my trip already had a decided destination. Therefore, I packed my luggage, left the house and booked the flight on the way into town. The first hotel reservation was done just before the lights of fasten seatbelts switched on.

Since some time, I am affected by exhaustion syndrome. With that comes difficulties of making decisions and moments of general anxiety, e.g. I feel nervous, just like before a speech for a group of people.

The day before leaving, the planning and booking of the trip seemed like an enormous mountain to climb. Sunday morning, after having decided to postpone the trip, taking at the same time a quick glance for later flights that day…, I set my mobile alarm for two hours later and started to clean my kitchen.

Letting go of the trip, gave birth to a new wish to actually do it and once decided, I have never packed a suitcase so quickly. All I checked before leaving the house was that it was still possible to book the flight. Being off season, I didn’t have to worry of finding a place to stay in Visby.

It could seem that the stress of going away for a couple of days would deteriorate my exhaustion. Yet, it rather had an opposite effect. Instead of a general anxiety for heavens know why, my trip fever was a very concrete kind of anxiety. And a positive one. As a matter of fact, I ”smiled my way” to the airport for the excitement of doing this good to myself.

One thing contributing to this good is, I believe, the choice of making it a spontaneous adventure. After some days of indecisiveness whether to go or not, then calling the trip off, I finally left home precipitately with a wondrous feeling of being very much alive.

I am so accustomed to secure the control of things, something I believe is one of the reasons for my exhaustion syndrome. Checking and controlling is good, to a certain limit. A colleague said something that has stayed in my mind now for some time: ”The more you check, the more you risk to loose confidence in yourself ” That is actually exactly what has happened and it seems to me that my ability of checking that things are correct is ”broken” at present. I feel confident this capacity will heal in time as I learn not to overuse it.

And so, on my way to healing, I explore the opposite, the letting go of controlling, just like booking the flight ticket when the trip has in fact already started…

Going off season to a place which is very popular in summer was a great advantage. Visby was so calm and peaceful, so much exactly what I needed, a nourishment to my soul and a rest for my mind…

*) The one hour limit is for many SAS flights and might be different for other companies. Also, for destinations abroad, one needs to be aware of the eventual need for e.g. Visas when spontaneously choosing a flight.

Annonser

Serentripity *)

Musings at a Pizzeria in Stockholm Central Station, 28 November 2018

Once upon a time, I nurtured a dream of leaving home for the airport and buy a ticket for wherever I wanted to go in the moment (and where a ticket were available and affordable).

However, my closest airport doesn’t sell any flight tickets so I have now modified my dream to going by train.

It is possible… I can do this, maybe I will do it already in 2019?

Coming to the station with my (possibly light) luggage, I would buy a coffee (take away cup!), sitting down for a while, listening to the announcements of the loudspeaker. And in the moment I hear the name of a town that my heart spell out its Yes! to, I’ll tap the name into the ticket app, buy the ticket and then hurry off to the train.

I could do it again the day after and who knows where I would end up?

Same cup- different seat (And tea instead of coffee…)

7 March 2019

I am doing it….

The train is rushing through a grey and foggy landscape. In my heart though, there is a sunrise which is about living in the moment. A sunrise, because there is no plan, it’s just a shimmering beginning. Perhaps I go back already this evening. Or not. It doesn’t matter right now. All I know is the whining of the wheels, the jerkiness of the old fashioned wagon. As this is a regional train, I am not in a comfortable high speed intercity train. It is a train, just as it used to be as I remember from my childhood and in the time of my twenties, bringing back memories of the first trips on my own. Just like today..

So what happened? The Readiness for the unexpected doesn’t mean that something unexpected will necessarily happen.. Today it didn’t. What I did get was a peaceful day on my own, the joy of being on a trip, if just for a single day and the pleasure of seeing new surroundings.

Hallsberg is a town where I have often changed trains and I enjoyed seeing more of it than just the station on the way to somewhere else.

Seen in Hallsberg

Sitting in a train, watching the landscape is a peaceful way of spending one’s time, an opportunity to reflect and get new perspectives, as if the trip allows to see your life from ”outside” or just taking a needed rest from daily life. And maybe that is also a sort of serendipity…

Coming back to Stockholm, the station looked the same. Yet something was different. My experience of change was all in me. The time passed, the new surroundings I saw, altered my life experience even if ever so little, just as a journey always does or daily life as well. The strong awareness of something being different, is, I believe, due to the fact that the trip was short enough not to be overwhelmed by impressions and long enough to make an impression.

One thing is for sure: This ”Serentrip” gave me the taste of again. It would be an excellent way of interrailing, combined with another dream of mine; to get on a night train and getting off the first station after waking up…

*) Playing with the word Serendipity. For the definition of the word, please see:
https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/serendipity
Serentripity, as I define it, is going on a trip with the sole aim of being available for the unexpected happenings of a trip.

Behavioral change

Eating has often been a strategy for me when being in a stressful situation. For several years I managed to choose other strategies for handling e.g. stress and then, again, for the last six months, I am back into the destructive habit of overeating.

Since one of my best friends is a runner, I have the opportunity to reflect upon our different choices. When she is in stress, she goes to the gym or for a long intensive run. When I am in stress, I eat.

The question that thrills me the most at the moment is:
What is the crucial fact(s) that make you choose one or the other of the strategies and turn it into a habit? Is it just coincidences? A friend asks you if you want to go for a run and then you get hooked? Eating your first chocolate bar craves the next one and the next one?

Reading the book The real happy pill by Anders Hansen has made me discover a whole world of new understanding of the brain and the benefits of physical exercise.

However, my question of why you make one choice or another, is yet to be answered.

Is it maybe also a question of how you look at yourself? Exercise is achievement, a way to show oneself and others what you can accomplish (e.g. a marathon).

Eating sweets is for me connected to hiding and hiding within a body that gets bigger and bigger. Nowadays I don’t feel that much shame anymore for my eating and can look at it with more curiosity, all in the aim of finding healthier habits and with the love and compassion for myself that I once did not have.

One story about a depressed woman in Anders Hansen’s book illustrates very well the connection between physical exercise and self-confidence. One of his previous patients cured her depression with physical exercise. Not only did she get in better shape and in a better mood. Her self-confidence grew stronger as her change became a result of her own achievement.

How long does it take to change an almost lifelong strategy? How long will I need to exercise until my body prefers 30 minutes on a bike to some comforting grams of sweets?

Is physical exercise or eating sweets just a question of habit or also of identification? If I start to see myself as someone that exercises, someone who loves to move, will that change how I see myself in a more general perspective as well?

Maybe habit and identification go hand in hand and by starting (already three days ago!) with physical exercise, identification will follow.

I will make the strategy of physical exercise my own…

DSC_2289

The present moment

Sometimes I wonder in thoughts
without noticing the world
around me

Or dreaming away about a future
that might come,
Or not.

And then there are times
when all around me
calls upon my awareness

The sun’s light
through frozen seaweed
awakens me to my life right now.
I hear a plane in the air
someone else’s trip somewhere

Feeling in the same time
the cold and crisp air
filling my lungs

Being perfectly aware of
that now,
I am being alive.

Brunnsviken February 9, 16:01, 2018

Fånga dagen på en båt 

En tisdagsmorgon
   bland många andra
 på väg till jobbet

Min blick stannar
   vid Finlandsfärjan i hamnen
Tänk att en dag bara åka med...

Bara boka en resa
   åt mig själv, ett par böcker
En dag för avkoppling,
   lite livsnjuteri

En tisdagsmorgon
   bland många andra
är jag nu på väg

Min blick stannar
   vid Finlandsfärjans
svarta spegelglas
   i vilket livet just nu
Återspeglas

Tänk att jag idag åker med...
DSC_2294
Utkast från en bänk på soldäck

 

I have a dream… (på svenska)

I have a dream…
   sa en gång en känd
   amerikansk politiker i sitt tal

Jag har också en dröm
   om att kunna bidra
   till den värld jag vill leva i

Jag sörjer över brustna relationer
   över tillit som förloras till misstro och hopplöshet
   Och över kärlek som vänds i hat

Någon har dock sagt
   att hat bara är kärlek som gått vilse [1]
Och jag skulle så gärna
   vilja knyta ihop
   trasigt till helt

Jag skulle vilja vara en del
   i undret som sker
 När tillit byggs på nytt
   och försoning kan ske

Vägen dit
   tycks mig dock
   så skälvande skör

Om jag vågar mig på
   att gå den
är det nog i tanken på
att jag inte behöver vara
   själva lösningen
utan en del
   av ett större sammanhang
Likt pusselbiten som,
   hur svårplacerad den än tycks vara,
skulle saknas i helheten
   om den inte fanns där.

Och jag är inte ensam…
Vi är flera…

 

Under sju månader har jag gått en kurs i att medla i konflikter med Nonviolent Communication. Medlingsprogrammet, i regi av Friare Liv (http://www.friareliv.se/sv/), har varit förlagt under 4 tillfällen med tre kursdagar per gång. Därutöver har vi alla övat i två mindre grupper, en som träffats vid sex tillfällen och i en annan som övat varannan vecka i telefonkonferens.

I lördags, den 20 maj 2017, den sista kursdagens morgon läste jag upp den här dikten och spelade sången Si av den franska artisten ZAZ. Det var just den sången och erfarenheterna från medlingsprogrammet som inspirerade mig till att skriva dikten.

Sången finns på ZAZ hemsida:
https://www.zazofficial.com/en/music/

Samt på följande länk med engelsk text:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qWX9p6SXZo

DSC_1679

Körsbärsblom i Kungsträdgården, Stockholm

[1] Ett citat som jag fann i en tidning någon gång på 80-talet, sagt av någon vid namn Bell Wall

I have a dream… (In English)

I have a dream…
   said once a well known
   American politician
in his speech

I also have a dream…
   of contributing to
   the world I want to live in

I mourn over broken relationships
   over trust lost to distrust, to despair
   and over love turned into hatred

Someone has said
   that hatred is only
   love that has gone astray [1]  
And I so much want
   to tie together
   what is broken to a whole

I would like to be part of
   the miracle
When trust is restored
   and reconciliation can take place

The road there
   just seem to me
   so tremblingly frail

If I dare to walk
   this road
it will be in the awareness of
that I need not be
   the solution itself
only a part
   of a bigger picture
Like the piece in a puzzle
   seemingly difficult to place
Which would still be missed in the whole
   If absent

And I am not alone
We are many who share a dream
   of a better world

During seven months, I have attended a course in mediating in conflicts based on Nonviolent Communication. The mediation programme, organized by Friare Liv (http://www.friareliv.se/en/) has been held four times with three days in a row. In addition to that we have all practiced in two small groups, one that has met at six occasions and another that have practiced every two week in a telephone conference.

On Saturday, May 20, 2017, the morning of the last course day, I read this poem and played the song Si by the French artist ZAZ. It was this very song and the experiences from the mediation programme that inspired me to write the poem.

The song can be found at ZAZ official website:
https://www.zazofficial.com/en/music/

You may also find it here with English subtitles:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qWX9p6SXZo

DSC_1679
Cherry blossom in Kungsträdgården, Stockholm.

[1] A quotation I found in a Swedish newspaper in the 80’s by someone called Bell Wall

Duolingo

My trip to Berlin was booked and now I wondered:

-How much will I be able to speak if I do the whole Duolingo course in German?

My previous knowledge from the evening course in German 1983-84 was since long forgotten and when using a Univerb CD and book course in 2015, I mostly listened and seldom opened the book.

Before going to Germany on May 3, 2017, I actually did all the exercises and reached a level of 35% fluency according to the Duolingo application.

The greatest advantage with Duolingo is, in my point of view, to get a sense of the order of words in a sentence. The vocabulary increases of course too. I wasn’t however that accustomed in creating my own phrases and started to do it on my own out of situations in my daily life before the trip. Duolingo is for me a bit like listening to music and singing along, knowing all of the text by heart. Ask me to sing the same song without the help of hearing it simultaneously and I will know perhaps about half of the text by heart.

Looking back now at my seven days in Berlin, I did feel more at ease speaking. It still happened that I needed to change to English, however less often than in my week there in 2015.

Writing produces an imprint in the brain and as I often wrote the same faulty sentence AGAIN (how irritating!) I started to sometimes copy the correct answer from up in the top of the window by writing it accordingly. Thus my 35% of fluency needs to be taken with a grain of salt.

Using Duolingo this time[1] intensively for a month I was very content with the practicality of the application. It is easy to use and as the exercises only takes about 5-10 minutes, it is easy to keep up the continuity of training.

Yet, there are things I would like to find and this is therefore my wish lists for future updates:

Technical related wish list:

  • Ability to see the amount of exercises I’ve made in a day. No matter how many exercises done, the application only shows “Practice complete +10XP”.
  • Ability to save phrases in order to create my very personal phrase book.
  • A possibility to choose the amount of repetitions that shows for each day. Getting 25 new every day was stressful. Perhaps though, this might be due to the amount of exercises I had done the previous day?
  • When having finished a repetition, it sometimes takes a about 10 seconds before the color change to orange and the text “No more week words/Strength full” shows. This could perhaps be my phone being slow.

Language related wish list

  • A module with pure grammar information in order to get the bigger picture of a language once in a while. I especially missed that in the beginning.
  • A part of this grammar module would be a table with the auxiliary verbs, to be, to have etc
  • Orderly exercises corresponding to this grammar module. With this I mean sentences being in the order of I, You, He/She/It, We, you, They. As this suggestion might be what many like least with language learning (plodding through, just like in school) it could be a bonus skill for nerds who want to dive deeper, just like the exercises “flirting” and “idioms”.
  • When studying French, a decade ago, there was a vocabulary test, Maximots, built by a professor at Stockholm University on the 1600+ most used words. I’d be delighted to find a similar option also in Duolingo.
  • I have often had a good laughter by some of the sentences, especially in the Danish course. Some of my favorites are: The squirrel is our captain, the ants import rye bread, I am the queen of France, and Why does the bear conduct the orchestra? In the same time, I really don’t know when I would use them. And, Good Heavens, what would an answer be if I did?

 

New languages wish list

Some years ago, I fell in love with the Breton language and in 2014, I went on a five days’ language course in Brittany.

According to UNESCO, the Breton is a severely endangered language with an estimate of only 250 000 speakers[2]

The Duolingo newsletter of May 18, 2017 tells a hopeful story of another endangered Celtic language, the Irish. With only 44000 speakers it is classed by UNESCO as “Definitely endangered”[3] and now “3 million people are learning Irish with Duolingo” [4]

What an advantage! Except for the opportunity in learning new languages, the Duolingo application is also contributing to save endangered languages. How many more can be saved? What about being able to learn as well e.g. Sami languages and Occitan?

My first wish is to soon find Breton as one of your courses. With the facility of the Duolingo application more people would have the possibility to learn Breton, thus helping also this language to stay alive.

Here is the link to learn new languages[5]:
https://www.duolingo.com/register

DSC_1904
Berliner Dom, St. Marienkirche, Fernsehturm and the Humboldt box.

[1] I discovered Duolingo in 2016 and started with the German course, then changed to do some Italian and finally the whole course in Danish.

[2] www.unesco.org/languages-atlas/index.php

[3] www.unesco.org/languages-atlas/index.php

[4] https://www.duolingo.com/comment/19407224/Irish-President-meets-with-Duolingo-and-course-contributors?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=link&utm_campaign=save_irish

[5] This blog post has been sent to Duolingo on their “Submit your Duolingo story!” https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfAnfVmCB7UftggiS0pMAtN4ctX1yZuW3wGRG6MfCyAFrHEgQ/viewform?c=0&w=1

An afternoon in Stockholm

It seemed like an ordinary day. 
Until a stolen truck came rushing
   straight into the crowd of people.

How to comprehend what  precede 
   when a human being choose to kill?
What if we could all be close long before, 
   to be a friend to each and one of them 
   who need support. 
What if we then could prevent 
such a sadly choice that was made today.. 
Stockholm Town Hall, Photo from February 2017

Centralens Café

Liksom bara måste
   skriva
Minnen av resor,
   avfärder... ankomster

Visselpipan
   som föregår avgången,
Tåget som sätts igång
   med ett ryck

På väg
   mot okänt eller känt

Framtiden är
   alltid oviss
Livet självt
   är en resa

Café au lait och en muffins
Gemenskap för en stund
   med ett resande folk.